I see fire
by Artemisia-Amore-Cosplay
Summary: If you had only one chance to change your destiny, would you take it? Break's Christmas carol.


He knew her eyes would have quickly filled with tears, while her rose lips pouted as she looked at him in a disappointed, somehow hurt way.

"It is just a fun tradition, Break. It wasn't meant to be a real kiss. But you- You… Oh, nevermind. I don't care. Nevermind". She glanced down, still standing under the mistletoe. He stared at her with his blind eye, then he lightly placed his hand on her soft hair, carefully tied up in a gentle, long braid for that occasion. The warm flames of the fire, cheerfully blazing in its fireplace, seemed to have been tangled up by those dainty curls and by those sad, wet big eyes. He couldn't bear the idea of that annoying look. He couldn't stand her tears. Looking away, Break patted Sharon's head gently.

"I am not so fond of these traditions, ojou-sama… You kn—"

"Liar."

She shied away from his touch and turned on her heels, a proud look flickering on her face. Break heard her leave the room quietly, then he snorted. He found an armchair to sink down on, and he allowed himself a few moments of sheer silence. But he gave in soon.

"I can sense your disapproval.", he addressed Reim.

The young man did not reply. He kept on hanging crystal snowflakes to the outermost branches of the majestic fir-tree. It wasn't as high as he expected from the Rainsworth's house, or, at least, it wasn't as high as it used to be in the past. Nevertheless, there was a tender coziness in the joyful glass baubles it stately displayed, so colorful and sparkling when hit by the soft light of the candles.

"Why should I deplore your being irredeemably tactless?"

Reim's bright hazel eyes lingered on Break's face. The man was blankly staring at the fireplace with a gloomy, quite annoyed look. Reim took a deep breath, then he started:

"You cannot make her cry every year, Xerx. She doesn't deserve it. I wonder what you've got to lose, after a—".

"She is a child. I simply cannot do it".

"She is a_ woman_, Xerx. And it was just a silly game. You could have made her content".

"By kissing a _child_, Reim-kun?".

The young man gaze at him gritting his teeth. He stepped forward, and a few moments later, he laid his hand on Break's shoulder, leaning towards him. His lips lightly touched the man's ear.

"Then you are unmistakably blind, Xerx."

When the pendulum clock stroke midnight, he woke up with a shiver. Did he fall asleep in the lounge? He couldn't feel the faint warmth of the fire anymore: it should have gone out. He yawned sluggishly and rubbed his hands over his arms soon after. Why was it so cold? The biting, chilly air seemed to pierce his skin. He got up to go and close the window, cursing Tobias, the boy, whose carelessness was well-known among the servants. But the thin, melodious voice of a woman made him stop.

"So here you were hiding, my quiet knight…"

He turned pale, while he distinctly felt his heart losing a beat. _That_ voice. It couldn't be-

"…Possible? Nonetheless it is happening."

A gentle hand stroked his hair, and as soon as he turned his head, his crimson eye opened wide. _She_ was in front of him. And he was able to _see _her.

"Am I dreaming?"

Shelly smiled, tilting her head on a side, and put a finger on his lips.

"Such a cold greeting…"

"My lady…"

He felt her cool hand caress his hair lightly, combing it behind his ear, and he stole another glance at the graceful woman who faced him. She was a few inches taller than Sharon, but her face shared the same comely features: her porcelain white skin, which revealed every emotion with its delicate blushing; smiling eyes like blooming rosebuds, framed by long, fair lashes; and her lips – oh, how he had longed to die on those lips, stealing kisses as burning as his forbidden love. He smiled when her fingers seemed to answer his prayer, kissing his mouth with their light touch.

"We are allowed no more than one hour, my precious knight. Please, treasure what your eyes are going to see", she whispered softly, joining her hand with his.

"What does it mean? I'm—I shouldn't bee able to see…"

"This is a dream, Xerxes, and it is not. I could not but reach you in this way".

Shelly turned her head towards the armchair, and Break followed her gaze until he saw himself -his frame- deeply asleep. He was about to move forward, but he stopped as his foot run into a little obstacle. Surprised, he bent to pick up the small object: a brass locomotive. He looked at the toy quite puzzled. How curious.

"This is Reim's", he muttered, turning the little locomotive over to make sure. He found the trembling, unsteady initials of his friend engraved on the metal.

"Why did he—", but his words extinguished upon his lips as a young boy and a little girl entered the room running cheerfully.

"Sharon-sama! You shouldn't run so fast! I'll drop the milk!".

"Oh, Reim-kun, hurry up! _He_ might be _here!_".

"Do you really think that he will come…?"

"He always does! Every year! I tell you, he will!".

The young boy placed his tray on the tea table, then he gave Sharon a saucer covered with four chocolate biscuits. The little girl chirped, delighted, and run to the fireplace, to put her little plate on the mantelpiece. Reim did the same with his glass of milk.

"What now?", he asked, old enough not to believe in the Man of the Snowflakes, but young enough to intimately hope in his existence.

"Now it's time for you two to go bye-byes", replied Shelly's silvery voice. She had entered the room a few minutes after the children, and had silently drawn nearer to her daughter. The little girl pouted, and Break couldn't but laugh, realizing how his ojou-sama hadn't changed.

"I want to see the Snowflakes Man!"

"Do not you want him to bring you a present, Sharon?"

"Of course I want it!"

"Then you'd better go to sleep, or he will find you out of your bed and… Well, the Snowflakes Man does not bring gifts to children who stay up till it's late…"

The little girl opened her eyes wide and run away, soon followed by a better-mannered Reim, who bowed at Shelly before leaving.

Break turned to the ghost at his side.

"What is-", he tried to ask, but the spirit shook her head and put a finger on her lips, intimating him to be quiet.

"Kevin? You may enter now…", whispered Shelly, joyfully glancing at the door.

A young men came into view, a scarlet velvet bag in his hands.

"Are they sleeping?". Kevin smiled in a conspiratorial way, infected by the woman's happiness, and sat next to her. Shelly gave him the biscuits.

"To you, Sir Snowflakes. _Bon appetit_!"

"Shall I leave some crumbs?".

Shelly nodded and opened the velvet bag, to take out a porcelain doll which she laid under the huge fir-tree, decorated with crystal snowflakes and colorful baubles. Kevin helped her taking out of the bag a little brass locomotive, which made him smile.

"I am not… used to this…", he murmured, feeling his cheeks suddenly blush for the kind caresses of the fire.

Shelly turned to look at him, and took the toy from his hand.

"You are doing an excellent job, Sir Snowflakes".

"What if they woke up and came to peep?". His eyes followed Shelly's graceful movements to display the gifts under the tree. As soon as she finished, she came back to him, smiling.

"They will not: they want their presents so much that they will sleep like little angels not to lose them". She paused, gazing at him. "And how about you, Kevin? Do you want yours?".

"Do I-? Do I have a gift…?", replied him, surprised.

The dainty woman nodded. She took his hand, and slowly brought it to her lips. With her eyes closed, she laid a kiss on his palm and lead his fingers to enclose it forever.

When he turned to face the spirit, he found himself alone again. Every light was gone. Silently, he moved towards the fireplace, and let his fingers glide on the mantelpiece. There was no trace of milk, saucers and biscuits on it, nothing to suggest that what he had watched had happened for real. What a weird dream, indeed. He pressed his forehead against the back of his hand, then he closed his eye with a sigh. Why did he remembered _that_?

"Because you needed to remind that there _had_ been a time when you loved to celebrate".

Break started, moving away from the fireplace with a sudden jolt. And, on a closer inspection, he noticed that there was not a fireplace anymore. Instead, a chilled mist had taken its place. And a strong smell of tobacco swiftly surrounded him.

"When did you stop, Break-kun? Was it when her thin fingers grew cold, and light left those lively eyes?"

A hand reached out for his shoulder, and the cool mist was gone in the twinkling of an eye.

"Os-car... -sama...".

"How do you do, old chap?".

For the second time during that night, Break turned pale. However, he drew himself together at once. After all, it was a friend he was facing.

"Are you part of my dream too?", he murmured, raising a smile.

"I _am _what is inducting your dream", replied the man, glancing at him with those cheerful eyes which used to light up every dusky day when he was alive. "You know, somebody in the afterworld loves you".

Break's bewildered look made Oscar laugh. He took a cigarette from his finely carved silver case and stroke a match. A few moments later he breathed out a small circle of smoke.

"You're doing wrong, my friend. I'm here to warn you. You're wasting your precious chance".

About to speak, Break half opened his mouth, but he closed it again as the smoke dissolved and revealed Sharon, lying on her bed with her face pressed against the goose down pillow. Her long hair was now untied and it softly caressed the bare skin of her shoulders, unveiled by the delicate light lavender camisole. For the first time in months, he saw her again. And his eye could not help contemplating her fragile beauty. And his heart could not help feeling an unexpected, dizzying whirl.

"Ojou-sama…", he whispered, while a faint smile started growing brighter on his lips. But it did not last. It could not. His eyes caught sight of her tears, cool, silvery pearls running down her cheeks. He heard his name, uttered with grievous pain. And in a moment he realized that, by refuting her kiss, he had actually stabbed her heart.

"You know, Break, life taught me a thing or two". Behind him, Oscar spoke in a dignified voice. "The toughest lesson was that we are arrogant creatures. We take the luxury of deeming ourselves immortal. '_We have plenty of time!_', we say as we gladly delay. But we just deceive ourselves". The man smiled dolorously, while his fingertips caressed his wedding ring lovingly.

"Nothing is meant to last, my friend, as there is no such thing as a future". He laid his hand on Break's shoulder again, but this time his fingers pressed on his skin as to warn him. Break turned his face to look the man in the eye, while a sudden, anguishing burden grew more and more stifling inside his chest.

"What should I… do…?", he murmured, his eye caught again by the little frame shaken with sobs of his ojou-sama.

"Take an old man's advice on this", replied Oscar, lowering his voice. "There is no right moment to say something important, apart from _this_. _Now _is the only moment. Find your resolution, my friend, before it is… too late…".

Two tolls reverberated in the dark lounge. He blinked, disturbed by a sudden light which hurt his eye accustomed to darkness. He closed it and screened his eyelids with his wrist. Thus, he did not notice the intangible light puffs which his breath created in the icy air.

"How are you today, Xerx-nii?".

Sharon's feeble voice made him lower his arm. He opened his eye quite carefully, as a dazzling white surrounded him.

"Ojou-sama?" he called, and he stepped forward blindly. But as he heard her reply, decidedly not directed at him, he froze up.

"Emily and I brought you some new flowers. They aren't as many as I wanted, but I managed to find some nice jasmine shrubs. They smell wonderful. I lay them here…".

The girl leant toward a gravestone and placed the flowers over it. Then her fingertips caressed the letters engraved on the stone.

K.

Sharon took a deep breath, then she took Emily out of her purple damask purse. She laid the silent doll on the snow, as close to the headstone as she could. Then she faintly smiled.

"I miss you, Xerx-nii", she whispered, and she let a few candies drop on the snow. "And Reim-kun misses you as well. I guess he didn't succeed in taking heart to come and visit you, did he? Well… At least I managed to steal away. He doesn't know that I'm here. He wouldn't be happy, if he knew it".

A painful thought seemed to overshadow her face. She was paler than usual, and she had lost weight. Her hair was tied in an austere braid, and her eyes were deeply circled.

"Actually, I doubt that he will ever smile again…".

Slowly, she let her knees touch the ground, then she crawled on the snow to sit beside the gravestone. She rested her head on it, as if it were the shoulder of her beloved Break.

"He can't forgive himself for your death. He keeps on saying that it was his fault, that it wouldn't have happened if only he had studied harder and had found a remedy for your slowly dying, day by day". She sighed, and closed her eyes. "I think he's getting worse. He takes all those… pills… All those infusions… He says that he's testing them. I wonder how worthwhile they are, now that you're not here anymore…"

Sharon's hand gently loosened her dark, little bow and started freeing her hair, combing her small, soft curls with her fingers.

"I wish I had had more time, you know? I wish your lips had touched mine at least once…".

Her thin hands reached her shoes. She took them off, and sunk her little feet into the snow. She bit her lips, but she didn't move.

"I wish you had looked at me as if I were a woman, in spite of my appearance… Since… I've longed for that moment for years… For the right moment to tell you… That I loved you… With every bit of my heart…".

Her fingers unbuttoned the heavy winter coat. She took it off and put it aside. Wearing a light cyclamen chiffon dress, she slowly lied down on the snow, the long hair softly eased on the white ice. She reached out for holding Emily's hand.

"At least… We will be home soon…"

She closed her eyes, and let herself die.

"NO!", Break cried, leaping towards his ojou-sama to hold her tight, to save her. But his hands failed at touching her. He tried again, a desperate look in his eye.

"Did you enjoy the show I put on for you?".

An amused voice whispered into his ear. He turned his face, and the Will of the Abyss smiled, delighted.

"Let me reach her! Let me save her!", he cried again, hatred and plea in his voice.

"Why should I?". The diaphanous girl laughed. "It would be useless anyway. Don't get it wrong... What you have watched was not a dream. It wasn't a might-be reality".

The Will of the Abyss lift his chin with a finger, and breathed cold air on his lips, rejoicing for his despairing expression.

"It is your destiny. You are _doomed_".

"NO!".

When he woke up, the fire was cheerfully crackling in its fireplace. He could feel its mild warmth on his cheeks. His hand raised before him, and he opened his eye. Darkness. A few, faint lights. Break smiled slowly, and touched his forehead, covered with cold sweat. His fingers run to his chest. He pressed them against his racing heart.

Sharon had forgotten to lock her door. He opened it quietly, and entered his ojou-sama's room. He knew it by heart: there he had seen her growing up; there they had had tea parties with dolls and Emily; there they had wept over Lady Shelly's death. And there they had laughed and joked around, day by day, until she grew too old to allow a man in her quarters. He smiled, shaking his head. He should have realized it then: she felt and acted like a woman because she had turned into one. It had happened before his eyes, but he had been untimely blind.

After fifteen quick steps, he reached her bed. The brocade curtains of her four-poster had been drawn to keep the cold winter air out, and a discreet mantle clock was ticking idly. He raised a hand to put the rich drapes aside, and drew nearer to his ojou-sama's bed. He heard her calm, sleeping breath, and a smile rose on his lips. His hand reached out for her soft hair, which he caressed slowly, breathing deeply her delicate perfume. Jasmine flowers…

Break leaned gently towards his asleep young lady, and lightly brushed his nose against Sharon's, calling her name softly. Then he held his breath, and waited for her to start waking up. The girl's eyelids moved until she half-opened her eyes. In a dreaming voice, she called him.

"Xerx-nii…? Do-do you feel sick? Are you ok?", she hastily sat up, suddenly anxious, and watched him shake his head and smile.

"I feel wonderful…", he whispered, his fingers lightly caressing her cheeks. He drew closer, hold his breath, and suddenly, slowly, stole her first kiss.

"I've got a question for you from the Snowflakes Man…". Again, his lips timidly caressed hers, light and gentle.

"Would you take care of my heart?".


End file.
